COME AWAY WITH ME INTO…?

See, I don’t know. I don’t know anything. In fact, more than ever in my life I know that I don’t know anything. I am basically a portable talky-walky…much more a talky then a walky these days…Maybe best label is talky-balky…I hesitate before a thought…I feel the fear lurking in my chest...alive there I can distinguish it from ‘excitement’…Fear has for me along with it, the sensation of uncertain footing, danger, a sadness…It’s all of those things that it takes for me to admit with deep sincerity, not the psycho-babble kind of “sincere-ness” that “I”, don’t know ANYTHING”…My eyes feel prominent as if searching for what it is I don’t know, my breath however is deep and still…No wheezes, no post nasal drips, clear that I know that I don’t know anything…

This early morning I woke from a blank, not even a black, a blank sleep…deep in my chair, legs up, blankie covered, fully clothed in the early morning light…There were no fog horns this morning, it was almost 7, and I had let the night catch me here, ‘still’ in the living room. This year Wonder Woman resolved that she wasn’t going to badger my sleeping body to the bed. She wasn’t going to argue with my sleepy belligerence anymore, she was just going to make sure my night pills were obvious to my waking eyes, water was there, my legs were up, and I was covered…Good night!

I took my night time pills in the early daylight. I decided to read my day’s recipe from the cosmos right away before toddling off to bed and there it was in my book called, OFFERINGS, the gift of guidance for today with a changing Buddhist savant for the day, and changing photographs by… Today, September 29th the words of Jack Kornfield, “This is not a matter of changing anything but of not grasping anything, and of opening our eyes and our heart.”

The lustrous dark single eyes, of two children are the photograph for today. Two eyes, of equal poignancy, single left eyes peering from a dark page, golden flesh tones, so the eyes are more prominent, toned for the simple aware innocence watchful of a child being a child even from separate bodies. These eyes don’t ‘know’ anything. These eyes are watching to see. These children are innocents listening with their hearts, or so the picture seems to say to me. Tomorrow this same message will be repeated, and the picture will change.

Today is tomorrow. The picture is different today on the last day of September, September 30th. There in the forefront of the picture are 3 white Stupas. In the background loom endless stone mountains that reach towards the sky and seem to go on forever. Nothing returning to nothing which is returned to everything, formless and meaningless, never ending, never being born…I still know nothing and I have the knowledge that I have the possibility of everything possible, presuming I don’t try to ‘capture’ it.

I have the choice to let my palms up hands with fingers spread, an open fist, symbolize for me or not, that this is my stance that speaks to remind me in every cell of my body to stay open and allow all possible flow… for me even trying to grasp these words can stop all the flow that is possible.

I am a Jew-Bu, born Jewish and later finding Buddhist in my cells, too. This is a very spooky time of the year for me. It is the time of renewal, the time for change, the time for forgiveness, the time for cleansing and refurbishing, it is the New Year, and though I might promise myself each year that next year I will be somewhat more observant of the blood that I was born into, and I don’t follow through.

I am disapproving, mortified by, flambozzled, distracted, and maddened and saddened and sometimes terrified of world politics. I look around at all Nations and I see the same enslavement no matter the political system. The same hierarchies created by people everywhere…the haves versus the have-nots, the have-nots versus the haves, ‘together’ only on whatever grounding they can conjointly design to be divisive, and therefore give them each reason to become an enemy one to the other. Not just Cain and Abel all over again, but the equivalent in whatever socio-politico-cultural-ethnic scenario that can be fashioned into a ‘battlefield’ no matter the countries, parties, relationships, tribes, families, (you name it) ‘these days’ it seems to be fashionable to be heading on a path that is divisive. I personally can’t take the stand that the blood that I have been born into is taking right now.

I’m talking about human, y’all. I am embarrassed to be a human being. I think that we may have fucked it up for all sentient beings, us human ones. This week the news is hiding on page 6, of my home town paper, and my hometown is San Francisco! We are on a march of lemming-like proportions, look that up if you have to! We are being like the fabled ostrich; however we are in fact supposedly at the head of the food chain!

It is also the time for Atonement…pictures from my childhood sneaking into the Synagogue, through the fire escape, up to where the women sit, looking down and all around as the women on the top floor, and the men below, beat their chests with their closed fists in rhythm for every possible sin that they might have committed, sorry for that, symbolically beating themselves, and promising to start with a clean slate and be better people.

I am so ready for Atonement and Redemption; I am so ready for, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I am also Tara. I am a Dakini and I can take the suffering of all sentient beings in and transform that suffering and send from the relics inside the body that is my porto-Stupa, the prayers for the end of suffering for all Sentient Beings into the Cosmos. I am my own book of Offerings…I want to be a conjoined movement however…I want the rest of you out there who are like-minded to me to stand up and be the open hand that lets the flow of energy blend through us all and bring back the full urn, only to be shattered again, and again bring back the sparks of light that together form the Mandala…We are in this cocoon together and I know that I don’t know anything about how to mend the tears and I do know that together we can do this bit of mending. Come away with me…