EMBRACE ME, YOU SWEET EMBRACEABLE YOU
EMBRACE ME, YOU SWEET EMBRACEABLE YOU
May 24, 2006
The spell of the long birthday weekend is still upon me. I thought that after going to meditation Monday night, I would have come down, and no. At the end my teacher, embraced me for my birthday and said as she held me in her warmth and free flow, “I see that you are growing bigger”…and I said, “I’m giving myself permission”…No holds barred kids, I’m out!
I announced those words at my candle blowing out ceremony, and there were 4 cakes, but only one was adorned with candles…Two big cakes, and two little cakes. Wonder Woman had put 3 candles on one of the little cakes…and that dear reader is why I call her, Wonder Woman.
She alone would notice that this was the birthday, this number 70, this birthday when little me, now grown up, was going to do her ‘do-over life’, and she alone, would know what the 3 candles could signify to me. But I could only see this after the slow down effect of my Advanced Meditation class, Monday night. I’m a bit ADD when I get excited, and my long birthday weekend was very exciting. When I had the time to read all of her subtle, arcane, yet totally practical, symbolism, once again I noticed once again, why she is Wonder Woman to me.
Wonder Woman is a Pisces, a fish who swims on the earth. She is a Pisces and so was my Mother, and so are my 2 sons. Fishy folk all lovingly involved with Triple Taurus me.
Subtle, elusive feeling type folk, for stalwart bull headed certain of right wrong me.
Before Tug Boat Mary, my hero was Ferdinand, The Bull. Before I really could read I had the whole text of that wonderful red bound book with the flowers on it memorized…and I could turn each page at the right time, and I looked like a reading 18 month old. I loved Ferdinand because he loved flowers and I loved flowers, too. Ferdinand who was a powerful looking and believed to be fearless bull, succumbed to the flowers in the bull ring where he was brought to fight, and refused to fight and sniffed the flowers that the spectators threw into the bull ring because he wouldn’t fight, he’d rather sniff the roses.
When I was 3 years old I made the discovery that big people lied to little people, and not only that, they knew they were lying and they knew that they knew that they were lying and they defended each others lies. I found that out one day when my mother deliberately lied to my father and he knew that she was lying, and I even ‘told’ on her, and he acted like I was the liar. I took a vow right then and there that I would be the first kid to grow up to be a big person and remember that 3 year olds knew who was really lying, and that they could feel things, and that they knew right from wrong – I then unwittingly stayed in the suit of the 3 year old, whenever I was confronted…That tiny little, wiry, little defiant, little brilliant, little already Triple Taurus right wrong machine. She was who I brought forward anytime I felt threatened.
Then one day a very brave already 70 year old woman confronted my three year old in a 68 year old body telling her story another time, the story of the defiant three year old savior of the world, and said, “What was the original story about? Why did the little girl say her mother was lying anyway?”, and that’s when I remembered in a flash that it all started when the mother caught the little girl in a big lie and that’s why she spanked her to begin with. That’s what made the little girl mad and that’s when she told her father on her mother. I had many self realizations after that very public confrontation, I was doing something called the Landmark Advanced Course at the time and there were some 80 other people in the room, and that included Wonder Woman.
The 4 candles were about moving on. Leaving the 3 year old behind and setting forth as a self determined 70 year old. Wonder Woman is what is called in certain circles a ‘supporter’.
She sees what you need and she gets it for you. She is the spirit of love and attention to the details that would leave the rest of us gasping, she is the slick fish swimming in the depths of your feelings and finding a way to get you to feel loved and appreciated, in spite of yourself. She has provided me with a launching and gave me the best birthday party a person could experience.
When I just met Wonder Woman, my theme song for relationship was Cat Steven’s Song, “Hard Headed Woman”…I was looking for a hard headed woman, because knowing my stubborn nature, I knew that what I needed was a partner who not only could stand up to me, I needed a partner who would outlast my stubborn bull headed 3 year old nature, too. Wonder Woman, is a beautiful woman who is 9 years younger than me (If you want to know what we look like, go to our web site.)
Our business BTW, was named by our Miz B!
The current song that describes not only what happened, but what continues in my current life experience, was that in the words of the song “Stand By Me”, Wonder Woman, is the miracle that not only stood by me, that requisite 1 time, she stands by me every single time, teaching me how to stand by others, with her never faltering examples of loving kindness, and compassion. I am in the words of Madame Wu, a wise and venerated healer friend, “A Lucky Lady”…
So this is the out loud wish that I made to the guests at my party on May 20th, to the best of my 70 year old memory, because as is a lot in my life, my wish was spontaneous. I wished for peace in the world, for all sentient beings to be filled with loving kindness, and for myself I took the stand that from the security of my 70 years I was going to be honest, and out there and powerful, and outspoken, mindful and risk taking all concurrently…If not now, I ask, when else?
So it appears that I am a Tug Boat Captain after all…The following poem was presented to me and read out loud by JJ as part of the amazing entertainment at my most amazing party. It does sum up my position in this ‘do-over’ chapter in my life, and the role that Wonder Woman plays as my loving partner and coconspirator…Love and Hugs, Mama E
Tug Boat Captain For Elaine
We were in a boat on a cold, cold sea
The compass was faulty, and the stars hidden.
Dark and rainy days and nights.
Me and my crew of one, one little one.
We were lost, couldn’t find our way home
Tried this, tried that
The engine was sputtering and tired
We just couldn’t catch a wind
It was such rough water; a shark about ate my tiny sailorboy.
How do you call SOS, I thought
What is SOS, Someone on the Sea?
Save our Souls? Shit outa Solutions?
Drifting along, catching this wave, then the next and then
On one of the saddest of the cloudy nights,
Alongside there appeared a tug boat, the kind that pulls stricken ships to safety
But not an ordinary Tug boat.
A Buddha and a Quan yin were at the Helm.
They threw a line and anchored us to their side.
The Quan Yin said, “All hipped and ready to go”
"There is plenty of water out there, only sometimes it's spread a little thin." Said the Buddhalike one, “Come aboard”.
We climbed onto the Electric Mama E, my little sidekick and me.
Mama E said, “Be prepared for a dose of reason in a world of utter chaos.”
And off we chugged, those two picking up stranded seafarers along the way
Stopping their panic, and starting their engines.
I’ll bet she never realized she’d become a Tug Boat Captain.
Tug boats are the little engines that could, escorting ships in and out of the harbor, and lending assistance.
May 24, 2006
The spell of the long birthday weekend is still upon me. I thought that after going to meditation Monday night, I would have come down, and no. At the end my teacher, embraced me for my birthday and said as she held me in her warmth and free flow, “I see that you are growing bigger”…and I said, “I’m giving myself permission”…No holds barred kids, I’m out!
I announced those words at my candle blowing out ceremony, and there were 4 cakes, but only one was adorned with candles…Two big cakes, and two little cakes. Wonder Woman had put 3 candles on one of the little cakes…and that dear reader is why I call her, Wonder Woman.
She alone would notice that this was the birthday, this number 70, this birthday when little me, now grown up, was going to do her ‘do-over life’, and she alone, would know what the 3 candles could signify to me. But I could only see this after the slow down effect of my Advanced Meditation class, Monday night. I’m a bit ADD when I get excited, and my long birthday weekend was very exciting. When I had the time to read all of her subtle, arcane, yet totally practical, symbolism, once again I noticed once again, why she is Wonder Woman to me.
Wonder Woman is a Pisces, a fish who swims on the earth. She is a Pisces and so was my Mother, and so are my 2 sons. Fishy folk all lovingly involved with Triple Taurus me.
Subtle, elusive feeling type folk, for stalwart bull headed certain of right wrong me.
Before Tug Boat Mary, my hero was Ferdinand, The Bull. Before I really could read I had the whole text of that wonderful red bound book with the flowers on it memorized…and I could turn each page at the right time, and I looked like a reading 18 month old. I loved Ferdinand because he loved flowers and I loved flowers, too. Ferdinand who was a powerful looking and believed to be fearless bull, succumbed to the flowers in the bull ring where he was brought to fight, and refused to fight and sniffed the flowers that the spectators threw into the bull ring because he wouldn’t fight, he’d rather sniff the roses.
When I was 3 years old I made the discovery that big people lied to little people, and not only that, they knew they were lying and they knew that they knew that they were lying and they defended each others lies. I found that out one day when my mother deliberately lied to my father and he knew that she was lying, and I even ‘told’ on her, and he acted like I was the liar. I took a vow right then and there that I would be the first kid to grow up to be a big person and remember that 3 year olds knew who was really lying, and that they could feel things, and that they knew right from wrong – I then unwittingly stayed in the suit of the 3 year old, whenever I was confronted…That tiny little, wiry, little defiant, little brilliant, little already Triple Taurus right wrong machine. She was who I brought forward anytime I felt threatened.
Then one day a very brave already 70 year old woman confronted my three year old in a 68 year old body telling her story another time, the story of the defiant three year old savior of the world, and said, “What was the original story about? Why did the little girl say her mother was lying anyway?”, and that’s when I remembered in a flash that it all started when the mother caught the little girl in a big lie and that’s why she spanked her to begin with. That’s what made the little girl mad and that’s when she told her father on her mother. I had many self realizations after that very public confrontation, I was doing something called the Landmark Advanced Course at the time and there were some 80 other people in the room, and that included Wonder Woman.
The 4 candles were about moving on. Leaving the 3 year old behind and setting forth as a self determined 70 year old. Wonder Woman is what is called in certain circles a ‘supporter’.
She sees what you need and she gets it for you. She is the spirit of love and attention to the details that would leave the rest of us gasping, she is the slick fish swimming in the depths of your feelings and finding a way to get you to feel loved and appreciated, in spite of yourself. She has provided me with a launching and gave me the best birthday party a person could experience.
When I just met Wonder Woman, my theme song for relationship was Cat Steven’s Song, “Hard Headed Woman”…I was looking for a hard headed woman, because knowing my stubborn nature, I knew that what I needed was a partner who not only could stand up to me, I needed a partner who would outlast my stubborn bull headed 3 year old nature, too. Wonder Woman, is a beautiful woman who is 9 years younger than me (If you want to know what we look like, go to our web site.)
Our business BTW, was named by our Miz B!
The current song that describes not only what happened, but what continues in my current life experience, was that in the words of the song “Stand By Me”, Wonder Woman, is the miracle that not only stood by me, that requisite 1 time, she stands by me every single time, teaching me how to stand by others, with her never faltering examples of loving kindness, and compassion. I am in the words of Madame Wu, a wise and venerated healer friend, “A Lucky Lady”…
So this is the out loud wish that I made to the guests at my party on May 20th, to the best of my 70 year old memory, because as is a lot in my life, my wish was spontaneous. I wished for peace in the world, for all sentient beings to be filled with loving kindness, and for myself I took the stand that from the security of my 70 years I was going to be honest, and out there and powerful, and outspoken, mindful and risk taking all concurrently…If not now, I ask, when else?
So it appears that I am a Tug Boat Captain after all…The following poem was presented to me and read out loud by JJ as part of the amazing entertainment at my most amazing party. It does sum up my position in this ‘do-over’ chapter in my life, and the role that Wonder Woman plays as my loving partner and coconspirator…Love and Hugs, Mama E
Tug Boat Captain For Elaine
We were in a boat on a cold, cold sea
The compass was faulty, and the stars hidden.
Dark and rainy days and nights.
Me and my crew of one, one little one.
We were lost, couldn’t find our way home
Tried this, tried that
The engine was sputtering and tired
We just couldn’t catch a wind
It was such rough water; a shark about ate my tiny sailorboy.
How do you call SOS, I thought
What is SOS, Someone on the Sea?
Save our Souls? Shit outa Solutions?
Drifting along, catching this wave, then the next and then
On one of the saddest of the cloudy nights,
Alongside there appeared a tug boat, the kind that pulls stricken ships to safety
But not an ordinary Tug boat.
A Buddha and a Quan yin were at the Helm.
They threw a line and anchored us to their side.
The Quan Yin said, “All hipped and ready to go”
"There is plenty of water out there, only sometimes it's spread a little thin." Said the Buddhalike one, “Come aboard”.
We climbed onto the Electric Mama E, my little sidekick and me.
Mama E said, “Be prepared for a dose of reason in a world of utter chaos.”
And off we chugged, those two picking up stranded seafarers along the way
Stopping their panic, and starting their engines.
I’ll bet she never realized she’d become a Tug Boat Captain.
Tug boats are the little engines that could, escorting ships in and out of the harbor, and lending assistance.
10 Comments:
Oh Wow Mama E! Where to start?
First off... HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! I had you in mind, have been meaning to call but have been so bogged down with students and the kids and life that I have not made it there yet! Forgive this absentminded bohemian!
I am soo happy to hear it went so well and how I wish we could have been there to party down with you, Wonder Woman, Dr. E and his wife B (you know who I mean!)... I miss you all soooooo much!!!
I remember when you and Wonder Woman took the Landmark Advanced Course as well as the Advanced Meditation... what great breakthroughs! As you have always said to me, I am so proud of you! Here's to a new you and to many magical, breathtaking breakthroughs in equally magical, healthy and just downright special-cause-you-so-derserve-it years ahead!
Pisces people are good people although quite wacky in their own way... Lil' M and I fall into the wacky category and it makes even more sense to know that you get along well with us Pisces... gives more meaning and sense to us all happening...
As for Wonder Woman, she is definitely amazing! Without the amazing love, compassion and introspection of the team that you guys are this specific fish would have been floating around aimlessly, still with no grounding but thanks to you I have some secret feet to ground me here on this earth...
As for "Deep Nurturing" I see it more as a team effort since we stumbled upn the name. Loverboy had always described your and Wonder Woman's style as nurturing... then in an email you mention Deep Listening to which I replied Deep Nurturing is more like it... so I can only take part of the credit in all fairness but am so flattered that you keep attributing that name to me and to have that connection is just special!
I love JJ's poem! It is just fabulous and so true!!!
But I have a question now... So if you lend assistance to ships and you lended assistance to me that makes me a ship and so ships are big and... is JJ calling me fat?
Ha, ha, haaaa! Just some post-anorexia humor there! ;-) Loverboy is burying his head in his hands! Oy! =D
Like always, beautiful post! All my love to you and my dear Wonder Woman!!!
Hi Mama E:
Your writing is like a session with you just by reading it. I'm transported to my own 3 year old, and what I heard, and how I learned to lie, and sadly, the lies I even told my little sailorboy sidekick.... Even the myth of Santa is a lie. I remember how much he trusted me, that when he was 7 he came home from school and said, "Tell me the truth, is there a Santa because the kids are laughing at me, and saying there isn't." So I told him, and he laid down on his bed and cried, and now I think, he was more unhappy and betrayed for realizing I lied to him. And he'd stuck up for me and now would have to admit to his friends his mom was actually a liar. I couldn't stand it, and said, "oh I was just kidding, of course there is a Santa..." But then there I was lying again. But when he did actually realize I was lying, then I think that's when, like you, Elaine, trust was broken, and reverence too. I've rationalized it now, and probably there was some movie about the spirit being the parents and their love, yada yada, but really, we have got to stop lying to our kids. And at all. Thanks, Elaine, I'm going to talk with him today, and see what he thinks now. Probably like many of us, he just forgot about it, and it's thrown into a pile of other things he couldn't trust me about...and doesn't understand why. I'm amazed anyone trusts anyone at all. Oh and by the way, I now remember it was a struggle before he was old enough for me as I actually did think to never tell him the lie about Santa, but I just succumbed to the peer pressure of other families and other kids. And his joy was so sweet for all those years. I'll ask him what he'll do with his kids. hmmmm.
Hi Sweetie,
I am so anxious to see your newest post - but I'm at work so I'll have to be back in a while when I have time to settle down for a good read. Cheers!
anaother beautiful and powerful post. tho' we have only recently "met", i nontheless feel a deep sense of who you are, where you are... and where you hope to be. it's no mystery Miz B holds you in such high regard. and, i might add, you look lovely on that pedestal she's placed you on!
thank you for sharing your self-revelations, tasty bits of your love and esteem for your remarkable partner, and that inspired poem.
Happy (belated) Birthday! : D
Thank you sweet Mama for the sweet, sweet email! I am off to bed and will answer in the morning. Just wanted to pop in and say those little changes you spoke of (the links and italics)... done!
A big kiss to you and Wonder Woman!
Me...
Happy Birthday :)
When you were describing the 3 year old, I thought to myself sounds like Landmark Forum Advanced Course. My husband and I took the course two years ago. We remind each other when we slip into our act :) It was one of the best things we have ever done for ourselves.
I love the way you write and how open you are.....I am still not able to be completely open in this forum. I also journal and do morning pages....there is where I let it all out.
Happy Birthday!
What an amazing poem at the end.
My Dear Elaine,
Such a great read, just as I expected :-) I spent the lazy sunny morning out on the porch, reading it out loud to my Bear - and we both were amazed at the depth and also at the conversation it started between us about Santa, and our respective childrens' upbringing. Great post. I haven't a clue what Landmark Forumn Advanced Course is, but it seems to have been a hit.
Loved hearing about your birthday... sounds like a whole lot of fun. Thanks for putting the words all down for us to share :-)
It is getting a little long between posts my dear.
I thought of you last Saturday as I strolled through Chinatown with my Sweetheart in SF, amidst the bustling sidewalk displays of vegetables, smelly unnameable dried fish or sea animals...dodging the thronging crowds of shoppers as they squeezed, poked and prodded the goods.
Hope all is well with you.
Your writing is amazing and vivid. Thank you for all the lovely stories and insight so far. :)
I'm sorry I wasn't able to be at your birthday party! I'm sure it was wonderful.
When you say "this 'do-over' life", I wonder if you feel that you need to do things again so you can get them right, so you can put them to rest. You've done everything just right, Elaine. Just keep growing bigger so you can hold everything that you've done while you keep doing and doing and doing...
Love from the east coast!
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